


Crash

by RawwrrrRose



Category: Hockey RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Dark, Happy Ending, M/M, depressed Patrick, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RawwrrrRose/pseuds/RawwrrrRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based of the song Crash by You Me At Six. Jon has noticed something is wrong with Patrick, the whole team can, but he doesn't know what's wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> It's taken me forever to get this out, but I can't wait to post it anymore, so I decided to do it chaptered. It will probably end up being 2-3 chapters only hopefully. Comments/Kudos are much appreciated <3 If there's any mistakes or anything, please just let me know!

Jon’s noticed that Pat hasn’t been the same. Pat doesn’t smile as often nor as easily and he barely ever laughs. He hasn’t been interested in hanging out, going out, or even getting out. He’s always in his apartment or at the rink. Pat doesn’t touch anyone or hug anyone. He doesn’t really do anything he usually does.

One thing Pat has been doing though is scoring goals like a fiend. He’s on a scoring high but when he scores he doesn’t even seem excited. He just seems even more determined to go out and score more goals and get more points on the board.

To say that Jon’s worried is an understatement. Jon doesn’t know what to do. He can’t think of a way to fix it or to even ask what’s wrong because as good of friends as they are they’ve never really gotten personal with each other.

After their game on Saturday night, when Patrick got a hat trick and barely even cracked a smile, Jon knows he has to say something or do something. He looks at Sharpy after Pat’s 3rd goal and he can tell that Sharpy knows something is up as well. Sharpy gives Jon a look and then his eyes slide back to Kaner, trying to tell Jon that he needs to do something before Pat destroys himself.

Jon sighs and nods his head slightly, looking up at the scoreboard that says 6-3 in flashing bright lights, announcing Patrick’s hat trick. Only 3 minutes were left in the game, which meant 3 minutes for Jon to figure out how to talk to Patrick.

Jon sits on the bench for the rest of the game, coach letting their line rest after a grinding game against the ever-physical Coyotes. Jon sat there the whole time, watching the game without really watching it and his eyes occasionally slipping over to watch Patrick’s legs bounce, still itching to get back out on the ice.

The buzzer rings and Jon sighs again, getting him a curious glance from Kaner. Jon smiles a little forlornly and shuffles behind Kaner back to their locker room. He sees a small frown on Patrick’s face lightly taps his butt with his stick. Jon watches Pat’s face like it’s in slow motion, crossing into fear and horror before he can control it, his eyes widening and a small gasp escaping from his mouth. Jon’s brows furrow in confusion, not expecting that type of reaction whatsoever.

They make it back to the locker room and start changing, listening to the whoops and hollers of their teammates excited over the win. Kaner gets some pats on the back and each time Jon can’t help but notice the way he winces when other people touch him. Patrick used to be the one walking around hugging people and kissing their cheeks and punching them in the arm and now he’s flinching when someone touches him.

“Hey Kaner, come back to my place, I need to kick your ass at Mario Kart.” Jon blurts out, realizing that Patrick can’t turn him down in front of all these people without everyone realizing something is obviously wrong. The guys can all tell, but they don’t want to confront him about it. They’d rather just have Jon do his captain thing than talk about feelings with each other.

Kaner looks at him and glares slightly before nodding sharply. Jon grabs his towel and sets out for the showers, a furrow in his brow as he tries to think of how he’s going to talk to Patrick about what’s going on.

Patrick watches Jon walk out and freaks out mentally, hoping that he can distract Jon enough or change the subject enough that Jon forgets or gives up on finding out what’s wrong with him.

As Jon waits for Patrick he writes out a general to do list. While most of them have to do with Kaner, he reminds himself to stop at the grocery store and grab some new socks when he has time. Jon attempts to distract his mind from what he’s going to say to Patrick but he can’t stop himself from worrying.

When Kaner finally walks out of the locker room, Jon breathes out slowly and stands up straight, attempting to smile at Pat. It must have looked as bad as it felt because Patrick just grimaces back at him. Jon just turns and starts walking towards the exit, making sure he can hear Patrick’s fancy black shoes hitting the ground as he follows behind him.

Jon can hear Pat’s teeth chattering and he frowns slightly, attempting to walk a little closer to Patrick, except Patrick flinches when Jon’s arm touches his before schooling his face back to neutral.

On the car ride over, Pat doesn’t speak; he doesn’t attempt to mess with the radio; he doesn’t try to put his feet up on the dashboard; he doesn’t move. Jon looks over at him frequently, making sure he’s breathing and hasn’t passed out or something. There’s a permanent frown on Patrick’s face, one that Jon knows shouldn’t even exist.

Jon parks at his place and starts to get out of the car before realizing that Pat’s not moving still. Pat is sitting in his seat, zoning out and just staring off into space, not even realizing that the car has stopped moving. “Kaner…” Jon says carefully, acting like Patrick is a wild animal that he doesn’t want to scare away. Pat’s head snaps towards him and he takes a deep breath in, like he had forgotten to breathe for the past 2 minutes before moving to get out of the car.

They walk up to Jon’s apartment, awkwardly shuffling around in the elevator and trying not to look at each other except all they really want to do is look at each other and size the other up, see what he’s thinking.

Jon unlocks his apartment and opens the door, stepping inside and wrestling his uncomfortable dress shoes off his feet and sliding his jacket off. “You want something to change into?” He asks, figuring that Patrick will want to be comfortable while they’re talking. Pat nods and Jon heads into his room to find a change of clothes for himself and Patrick.

While he’s in his room, Pat takes off his own shoes and sits on the couch, trying to put his thoughts in order. He knows Jonny is going to try to talk to him about what’s wrong and why he’s been acting so weird lately, but he also knows he absolutely cannot tell Jonny the truth. He’s still trying to figure out what he’s going to tell Jonny instead of the truth when he wanders back into the living room with clothes for Patrick. Usually, Pat would just strip right there, without a care that Jonny would bitch at him and feel uncomfortable watching Patrick get almost naked, but instead Pat walks to the bathroom to change. Jon still feels uncomfortable; because something is seriously wrong with Patrick and the more he observes the more worried he gets.

When Patrick closes the bathroom door behind him, he lets himself lean back against the door and freak out for a few seconds. He pulls himself back together before starting to take off his clothes, slowly revealing his skin to himself in the mirror. He grimaces when he sees how skinny he’s gotten and how awful he looks, and quickly pulls on the sweatpants and oversized sweater that Jonny handed him. Patrick looks at himself in the mirror once more before turning on the sink and letting water pool in his hands before he splashes it across his face. He takes a few deep breaths, letting the water drip from his nose and chin back into the sink. When he stands up, he can feel a few water droplets slide down his chin to his neck where they collect at the collar of the sweater. Kaner grabs a towel and pats his face dry.

He opens the bathroom door and slips out cautiously, hoping that Jonny had magically fallen asleep while he was changing. Patrick has no such luck it seems, because Tazer is sitting there on his couch, frowning down at his hands like they can figure out what to say for him. His breath catches slightly in his throat, realizing how devastatingly hard it’s going to be lying to his best friend and long term crush.

Patrick hesitates before taking a step forward, wondering how the hell he’s going to do this without crying and spilling his guts out. He’s been strong so far, not letting anyone see him cry or letting anyone know what happened. He can do this. He just has to convince Jon he’s okay and then Jon will drive him home and he can cry himself to sleep like he has been for the past 3 months.

Jon looks up when he hears Pat start walking towards him. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly before saying, “Pat…” in his “please-don’t-make-this-difficult-for-me-I’m-begging-you,” face, which Patrick really shouldn’t have seen before, except that when Jon had his concussion and Pat tried to talk to him about it, he used that exact voice to get out of talking about it. At this point, Patrick knew he was fucked.

Jon must’ve seen the scared and worried look on Patrick’s face, because he immediately got up and walked over, grabbing Pat’s arm and dragging him over to sit down next to him on the couch.

“Kaner… I can’t sit here and watch you destroy yourself,” Jon says, trying to look at Pat’s face and see his reaction. “I can’t stand not seeing you smile, or celebrate, or joke around. Everyone is worried about you. The entire team has been asking me what’s wrong and what they should do and I don’t really know…”

Jonny sighs, catching his breath and trying to figure out what to say next. “Look, I’m not…I’m not trying to force you to talk to me. But I need you to know that I’m here for you; that we’re all here for you, and whenever you want to talk, I’ll answer. Anything you need, okay? I’m available.” With that, Jonny let himself look up at Patrick, and what he saw somewhat surprised him. Pat is staring, stone faced, at a hole in the wall, looking like he’s trying to hold back tears.

“Okay Jonny, thanks. I wanna go home now I think.” Patrick says, still staring at the same exact spot on the wall with the same blank expression. Jonny sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “You wanna stay here for the night? The guest bedroom is set up if you want it.”

Pat shakes his head, knowing Jon will hear him crying through the walls if he does. “I don’t want to bother you at all, I haven’t been sleeping that well lately.”

“Just stay,” Jon says heavily. “For me.” Pat looks at him and nods wearily while hugging himself and hoping that Jonny won’t see. Except he does, of course he does, and he’s looking at Pat with the exact expression that he never wants anyone to look at him with, pity.

Jon looks indecisive for a minute and then his face clears and he walks over to Patrick, grabs his arm, and pulls him up and towards him in a tight hug. Pat’s arms automatically wrap around Jon’s waist and Jon’s arms are around his shoulders and Pat can smell him for God’s sake and Pat hasn’t been in the mood for anything since the accident but this was the closest he’d gotten for sure.

Jon’s arms are strong, pulling Patrick as close to him as he could possibly get. “You don’t have to go through this alone…I’m here for you.” Jon whispers in his ear while slowly rubbing Patrick’s back. Pat can’t help but let a few tears loose then, and he hopes Jonny won’t say anything about the few wet spots on his soft grey athletic shirt. Pat breaks the hug and turns around to wipe his eyes. “We should probably go to bed…” Patrick’s voice is tight and thick, making it obvious that he was about to cry, but Jon sympathetically ignored it and hummed his agreement.

They both make their way down the hallway and before Jon can slip away to disappear into his bedroom Patrick grabs his wrist and gives him a significant look when Jon turns around. Jon just nods his head and brings his other hand up to squeeze Pat’s shoulder lightly before turning back around and entering his room.

Patrick sighs and heads to the guest bedroom to sob himself quietly to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon and Patrick start to work things out...

In the morning, Pat wakes up to the sound of a tea kettle going off, meaning Jonny is making some stupid herbal shit like he always does in the morning. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Pat sighs and starts to get out of bed, grabbing some sweatpants before heading to the kitchen area. Jon looks up and smiles at Patrick before asking if he wants some tea. 

Pat just gives him a look that Jonny knows means “hell no” and puts his head in his hands like he has a headache. 

“Does your head hurt?” Jonny asks, concerned. Pat shakes his head but Jonny gives him some medicine and a bottle of water anyways. Patrick glares at him and takes the medicine anyways, hoping it will help his aching wrist and the tiny headache he has. Jon smiles at him and grabs his stupid whole wheat, whole grain cereal for himself and fruit loops for Patrick. He grabs some bowls out of the cabinet and pours the cereal and milk into the bowls. Patrick sighs when he notices that Jon put in just as much milk and cereal as Patrick would have if he was making his own bowl.

They knew each other too well. 

They eat in silence and when they're finished they bring their bowls to the sink and rinse them to put them in the dishwasher. "What do you wanna do today?" Jon asks Patrick, making Patrick look at him oddly. 

"I was just gonna go home actually..." Patrick said, wanting to be able to review over everything that had happened the night before. "No way," Jon shakes his head, "We have an off day, so we're going to hang out. You get to pick what we do. So choose." Patrick sighs and thinks for a while. 

"Can we just stay inside and watch some movies or play some video games? I'm still pretty exhausted." Jon looks at Pat and notices the bags underneath his eyes and how pale his skin is and nods at Patrick. "Sounds like a great idea to me. Now what movie are we going to watch?" This is a test. Patrick knows this is a test. 

"Brave. We're going to watch it, and no Jonny, you don't get any say because I'm the guest and that's how it goes." Jon grins so wildly you would think Pat had said something more than that they're going to watch a movie about a ginger Scottish girl and her mother and curses. Honestly, Jon was just happy that Patrick hadn't just said whatever or told Jon to pick something. It was something Patrick would normally do. 

Jonny put Brave into his XBox and hit play before going to sit on the couch next to Patrick. They both pulled the footrest out and let themselves relax into the couch and watch the movie. Patrick sighs and lets his eyes flutter shut, feeling the weight of reality slip away from him as Merida follows the wisps to the witches cottage. 

 

Suddenly, Patrick is being jerked awake by a frantic looking Jonny. Patrick frowns and then remembers what his nightmare was about and his eyes widen. He hopes he didn't talk in his sleep. Looking at Jonny's face, Patrick realizes how worried he is, like he's waiting for confirmation that Patrick is okay. "I'm fine," Patrick mumbles.

"Who is Ryan?.." Jonny asks hesitantly. Well fuck. Apparently Patrick screamed out during his nightmare. And Jonny had heard. "No one," was Patrick's short reply, hoping Jonny would just leave it be. 

"Fuck Kaner. Fuck. I can't help you if you don't tell me anything. Fuck. Please. Do you understand how frightening it was to be woken up to your screaming? Jesus." Jonny runs his hands over his face and sighs. Patrick's eyes are starting to tear up, but he forces the water works back down before Jonny can see how close he is to giving in. 

"I can't tell you Jonny, I just can't. Everything would be messed up. You would look at me differently, not act the same around me. It's all my fault anyways okay? It's my fault and I hate it but I've finally admitted it to myself. I can't...I can't tell you because you would just say it's my fault, like I know it is." Pat's voice is a whisper, just barely heard above the sound of the Brave title screen. 

"Please, Patrick," Jonny starts, wincing when his voice wobbles,"I promise you that I'll still care about you. You've done plenty of embarrassing things and I still care. You're my best friend and I wouldn't leave because of one thing that's wrong with you. I promise you I won't leave, okay?" Patrick sucks a deep breath in and holds it, trying to control his emotions as best he can.

Patrick doesn't know if he should tell Jonny or not. Even if he says he'll still be there, he could still leave. Jonny has never lied to him but there's a first time for everything... It's hard to even admit to himself what happened, so how would he even tell Jonny anyways? Once he explained anything Jonny would realize that it was Pat's fault and that he had it coming. How could he be friends with someone like that? Jon is too good for people like him. Jon is perfect and just...everything that exemplifies an amazing human being. He's caring and funny, in his own way, and he's polite, has manners, knows what to say to everyone and even if he's awkward sometimes he just...is perfect. 

"Why can't you just leave me alone Jonny?" Patrick turns away from him, arms folded across his chest trying to close himself off to everything around him. Pat hears a choked off noise and turns slightly so he can see Jon. What he doesn't expect to see is Jonny looking at him like he's completely mental. He would understand anger, or sadness, but not this. 

"Why can't I leave you alone? Patrick, believe it or not you're my best friend. You know everything about me; probably more than I know about me. I can't fucking leave you alone because I care about you Pat. You can't fucking sit here and act like I don't because if I didn't I wouldn't be here right now. I care about you so much Pat, I can't imagine your life without me and I don't want to. You have to realize how much I love you." Jon says tightly, like every word coming out of his mouth is forcing it's way out. 

"Don't shut me out. Please Pat, don't push me away, because I couldn't bear it and I can't stand seeing you like this and know that you're alone because you're pushing everyone away. Please..." Jon sighs and holds his head in his hands, tugging on his hair slightly. He looks up at the sound of Patrick's soft whimper. 

"Ryanistheguywhorapedmetwomonthsago."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER BUT I HAD FINALS AND THEN I WENT ON VACATION AND OMG I'M SO SORRY.
> 
> I really tried to get it posted ASAP. I believe that the next chapter will be the last one. Unbeta'd, so tell me if there's any issues.


End file.
